I don't fit you
by Butterflypaperdolls
Summary: His hands didn't really fit with the precious innocent thing; he was used to holding switch blades and guns not babies...
1. What am I going to do with you, hey?

I sat there with my head in my hands; my fingers running through my blonde greasy hair dyed green … Oh for God sake it needs dying, AGAIN! Urrrr, I clenched it with my fist and pulled as hard as I could. The pain was immense but I needed it, I needed it for many reasons. It satisfied the angry monster who was so irritated at all it could see , it calmed me and most of all it stopped me from hurting her … Stopped me from shutting her tiny mouth up and silencing the endless crying. Finally my scalp released my hair from its tight grasp , oh the relief it gave !

I sat back in the old faded arm chair and soaked up the few milliseconds of ecstasy , dropping my hair on the blood stained carpet .I sighed lightly then all of the relief disappeared and the monster was back.

"How the hell am I ever going to look after this… this … baby?" He said it out loud no one was here to hear him anyway so what did it matter. He liked being on his own, not having to keep up an image but then again being on his own wasn't healthy… it was when he was alone the ghosts would come out to play.

"Never mind 'look after' it's going to be a task just not to kill you…" He sat for a moment then turned to the brown varnished coffee table next to him and picked up his beer bottle. He took a few swigs and then went back to talking; gesturing with the bottle and spilling some of its contents on the already stained floor.

"Then again , I did already try to kill you and , I couldn't …" He paused as if waiting for a reply from the baby who was in the small 'bed room' of the dingy apartment , no answer came just more painful wails.

"I don't understand why your crying, I fed you, changed you, you have a… um … satisfactory place to sleep. But then again you could say having up and down emotions runs in the family…"He smirked at this comment then went to take another swig from the bottle but only a drop trickled out …

"Huh, empty already… is it just me or is everything shrinking …"He then gets up from the chair and heads in to one of the other four rooms of the apartment .Its small inside, the old lazy light bulb casting the room with a dingy yellow light with no shade around it, the wall paper that was once white now yellow, peeling and stained with tobacco smoke and the same goes for the ceiling too. The only furniture in this room was a 'double bed' that was really only the size of a single bed with a little extra on the side , a closet that was small and built into the wall and in the corner of the room rested a wooden draw that was a little battered . Inside this draw there was a pillow shoved to the bottom acting as a mattress (taken from one side of the bed) and a woollen blanket that was wrapped around a tiny baby that was still whimpering.

"Shush, shush" He kneels down to the draw and picks up the little human being. His hands didn't really fit with the precious innocent thing; he was used to holding switch blades and guns not babies. He held the baby close to his body, feeling things he hadn't felt in years … love, dependence and acceptance.

"What am I going to do with you, hey?" Then he turned to the only part of the room he liked, the window. It was dark out but you could still see the lights dazzling of the various successful companies and shops of Gotham , and up in the sky a few starts shone like pin pricks through black card .


	2. The 'Babysitter'

I was having the most wonderful dream. The one where I kill the bat, we're in a multi-storey car park (I don't know why, it seems an appropriate place to kill him). Anyway we're fighting, no guns (that would just be unfair seeing as he doesn't use them) I had my switch blade though, oh how I adore that fine object. Knives are so much better than guns, with guns it's over to quickly, there to loud … well there's a number of things wrong with guns. Once again he was in the right position to kill me, but once again him being so 'morally correct' wouldn't do it! So I get up beaten half to death my nose probably broken but still smiling and I run at him my switch blade aiming right for his neck … Blood sloshes everywhere like a scene from Sweeney Todd. I grin as he falls to his knees an expression of pure shock on his face.

Out of nowhere I hear weird screams and thumping on a door. I open my eyes.

"Jesus!" I say as I put my hand to my pounding head .I slowly get up from where I had collapsed on the double bed and look around at all the bottles strewn around the room , I must have gone crazy last night… Then I turn my attention to the noises. First I react to the screaming from the draw.

"Hey darling'…"I crouch by the draw and pick her up then stumble to the door. I don't open it, It's such a crappy thin kind of wood you can easily have a conversation through it.

"What is it!" I snarl

"Emm…boss…" I hear an uncertain murmuring of a young man behind the door

"Yeah?" I reply

"Do…do you emm have a child … in there?"

"Yes and what is the problem with that?" I sigh, they think I've kidnapped her …For god sake why on earth would I do that?

"Well … What are you going to do with it?" There's fear and genuine concern in his voice, hmm he might come in handy. I open the door struggling with all the latches , I haven't been this hung over in a while …It's like being beaten up from the inside .

"Welcome to our humble abode!" I announce sarcastically and spread my free arm out .He gives me a forced awkward grin , he's probably kicking himself for even asking now , thinking I'm going to kill him . I laugh ,put down my little girl in the arm chair and stumble to the kitchen .

"Drink?" I say not really allowing him to answer and start to fill his glass up already as well as filling a baby bottle with milk.

"Ever had absinthe before ?"

"No …I haven't …Is it nice ?"

"Yes , yes its very nice …" I chuckle , It's one of the most vile drinks I've ever had and I've run out of sugar to mix it with

"I'm hung-over …And everyone knows to get rid of a hangover you have to drink again!" I pass him his glass filled with the weird green liquid .

"Sit down make yourself at home" And I sit on the blood, beer and god knows what stained floor just by the already occupied arm chair. It's the only chair in the entire flat.

"I'm okay , thanks boss" So he stood there awkwardly a good distance away from the Joker pretending to take sips from his drink , he was only 17 and was only doing this job to get some money . He had lived in the more downtrodden areas of Gotham for most of his life and he wanted to get out. He was saving so he and his girlfriend could buy a flat or a house somewhere nice, where you didn't have to look over your shoulder every five minutes. The joker finished his drink quite quickly then set the glass aside on his coffee table that had accumulated many glasses and bottles over the past few weeks. He sighed and brushed his hair out of face then picked up the little baby from the arm chair and put her in his lap .He then grabbed the bottle and started to feed her. He was surprisingly gentle (well as gentle as a mass murdering psychopath could be).

"So what do you do then …" I asked him

"Emm … I work as a guard for you sir … well I'm not really a proper guard I have to alert the armed guards and you boss, if the police or the batman arrives." He stuttered still nervous .

"Ah, and what's your name then?"

"Matt boss, Matt Wilson"

"Okay … Mattie … Well You seemed to be rather concerned about little un here" I pointed to the baby "Well just to put your mind at rest, she's my daughter, she's about … five weeks old and I'm not going to hurt her …"

"Sorry boss…"He said probably scared to death that now I was going to kill him for poking his nose in.

"It's fine … In fact I have a little urr proposition for you. How would you like a pay rise?"

"A…a, a pay rise?"

"Yes … Between you ,me and her you'll be the' baby sitter' but to everyone else you're on a special task …"

"Okay..?"He still looks confused, it hasn't quite sunk in yet … A bit slow but I like him…

"Starts today then" I said and I got up and handed her to him.

"Don't worry I'll be back tomorrow evening …" I was about to grab my coat from the side and stroll out but he asked me a question.

"What happened to her mother?" I froze, I'd felt quite positive that morning but this made me burn up inside …

"It doesn't matter, Mattie…" I snapped at him. I saw him try to put on a brave front but I could tell inside he was scared, I loved that, it fed something inside me. I pulled on my purple coat and slammed the door shut behind me and headed down the many flights of stairs feeling the switch blade in my pocket, the bullets and the gun. I hadn't been out in age's time to wreak havoc …

_So that's the second chapter done, Thank you for reading. Sorry if this one was a little boring but I wanted to bring Mattie's character in to it (and I had to get the Joker out of the flat ...a reclusive joker is not a healthy Joker). Anyway I hope you like it so far and please review__!_


	3. Jacky

"Come on Jacky! We're going to be late for Tom". Camilla yells at me down the lamp lit street. I sigh and try and hobble faster in the ridiculously tall high heels .I didn't pick them of course…Not my style at all they were a sickly hot pink, pointed and had so many flowers and ribbons and other nick knacks on you could hardly see my feet. My dress wasn't much better, it was way too short...I mean for goodness sake its October! At that moment I swore I heard footsteps behind me, I turned to look but no one was there…I hate it when that happens.

Rose and Cherie were huddled next to each other, arm in arm trying to keep up with Camilla. Never mind waiting for me guys! No, you just stroll ahead! I don't know why I'm even here…Well it was Camilla's nagging; she only wants an excuse to flaunt around 'her' money and her boyfriend. Rose and Cherie loved Camilla so much it made me sick, she was the head of the salon (where they worked as stylists) not a God .I knew they all looked down on me though, just because I was at the end as the job scale…Because I was the one that swept up the hair, made the coffees and took the coats. In the end I took off the stupid shoes, I had to run to catch up with them, meaning my hair fell out and my make up (which Camilla caked on) ran ,making me look incredibly attractive.

We got to the club and stood outside .The loud music belted out and droned in my ears, it was the kind of music where every song sounded the same. I let out a light sigh and shivered then hovered over to my group of friends. I noticed the smell of tobacco as I walked but I couldn't see anyone smoking, weird.

"Oh isn't it freezing"! I said trying to join in with the conversation. They all stopped talking and looked at me then carried on wittering on about Tom and what a good boyfriend he was. I nodded along when finally a security guard walked up to us.

"Sorry to keep you waiting ladies, we had an incident down stairs; can I see your ID please?" He checked us all separately; again I was left until last.

"Sorry, You can't come in."He said to me then stood defensively towards the club entrance

"What?" I said and looked at my ID, it wasn't fake, I really was 27!

"It's not your ID… we have standards and your make up …" I knew my makeup ran a bit but I didn't think it was that much! I sigh again then I saw my 'friends' edging in the door way ,trying to get away before I could ask them for help to get home, we were meant to be going back in Toms friends car so I hadn't bought money for a taxi.

"Sorry Jacky, you'll have to go home, I left my makeup stuff at the hotel we got ready in "Camilla said without a care then proceeded to stroll into the club, her two sheep followed. Then the security guard stood at the door, judging me like everyone does. I wanted the ground to swallow me up I was so humiliated and annoyed. I flustered then took off the ridiculous shoes and threw them in to the road.

"Please don't do that outside the premises." The security guard snarled, what a bastard! I could feel myself burning up, why does everything have to be so hard for me? A tear ran down my cheek probably making another streak on my face. The security guard didn't do anything, he tutted and walked away closing the club doors behind him. I didn't even have a phone . What was I going to do?

"What a bunch of dicks!" I heard a weird kind of southern voice say. I couldn't see who the voice belonged to but I knew what direction it came from, I walked over to it. I felt a hand slap down on my shoulder and I turned quickly behind me. A man stood there he was quite tall and wearing a black pinstripe suit with a purple blazer and a fedora style hat. I could hardly see him through the layer of smoke that separated us , so that's where the tobacco smell had come from ,though now it seemed that it was mixed with something else too … After his joint burnt out I could see him properly, he had a young handsome face but the poor man had painful looking scars starting from the corners of his mouth and extending almost to his eyes (which were changing every minute from being pinpricks to saucers .)

"They wouldn't let me in either, well my smile is a bit creepy I suppose". He pointed to his right cheek.

"They …They're not that bad. I wouldn't think they could do that, isn't it discrimination? "I was trying to make him feel better and he looked at me extremely seriously, tears brimming in his eyes then he burst into a fit of laughter. I didn't quite know what to make of him…I laughed along anyway just to ease the tension.

"So what's your name then"? He just managed to say still laughing

"I'm Jacky. What about you"?

"Oh…That strange …I'm Jack… Jack Napier"! He reached out his hand and I shook it.

"So Jacky .Wanna go get some new shoes"? He looked down at my bare feet, oh god he must have seen my little tantrum earlier, I blushed.

"I haven't got any money and wont all the shops be closed"? I said quietly, which was true, I didn't even know how I was going to get home.

"Oh money isn't a problem sweet heart; I think the nearest shoe shop is …"He licked his finger then pointed it into the air and set off. I had to run after him even though he was only doing a casual stroll. I didn't know why I was even going with him so many questions and impossibilities were running through my mind but I don't know…It felt right to go with him. After a lot of walking we reached a street full of shops , all the lights were off .

"They're all closed…" I said to him

"Nowhere is ever closed .Not when you're me"! And he walked down to the third shop on the street

"Ah, the shoe shops… Oh they do doc's…" He smiled at me then peered through the window excitedly. Well then he said and he took out what looked like a paper clip from his pocket, he unravelled it and placed it in the key hole of the shop. Next he took out a zippo lighter from his top pocket , he was just about to light it when I realised I wasn't watching a crime documentary on TV.

"What are you doing?" I said shocked

"Wait and see, honey." And he flicked it open and lit the end of the paper clip. It slowly fizzled like the end of a canon or a firework then there was a flash of colour and a loud bang. I backed away from it quickly frightened the whole shop would blow up.

"Aw, don't worry it's only a tiny explosion, and look." He pushed the still steaming door open effortlessly .I knew at that moment I should I run away as fast as I could but I couldn't , I didn't want too… So I went to step into the shop

"Oh, no, no, no! They'll trace your footprints and DNA; we don't want that do we? In fact walk a little further on; it makes your footprints look less suspicious if you have a route." It made sense so I walked a little further then he passed me some quick slip on shoes so I could go into the shop and some purple leather gloves.

"What about you? "I questioned him to this he raised an eye brow.

"Well it would be entirely pointless tracing my DNA seeing as it doesn't belong to anyone …I'm not on any data base, plus they wouldn't be able to find me anyway." He smirks and starts to roll a cigarette.

"Oh and try not to get hair anywhere…"he adds mid rolling

Out of the corner of my eye I see some of the docs he was talking about earlier, I see these patent purple shiny ones and I stroll over to them. I'd always wanted some but had never been able to afford any; I could barely pay the bills let alone even buy new clothes so fancy shoes were completely out of the question. They were my size as well, great. I sat on one of the benches and put on the pop socks they keep for people without socks, then I put the boots on.

"They look great!" He said his cigarette still in his mouth…

"Can you smoke in here?" I asked and as soon as I mentioned it the fire alarm started blaring out and the sprinklers came on .I can't remember much after that, it was a mad adrenalin fuelled frenzy .There was water pelting down all around me I gasped for air panicking .The noises, smells and feelings around me were beginning to fade, all I could hear was the sound of my own heart thumping violently against my chest and that's when I felt his hand. He clasped on to my purple gloved hand and brought me back down to reality, I could see the blue lights flickering and casting shadows around the shop.

"It's alright, just stay quiet and follow me." He smiled then pulled a gun out of his pocket, I watched as he loaded it with shiny silver bullets, he did it with such normality and practise it scared me.

"Put it over your head "He said and he chucked me his coat. I could hear his footsteps getting closer to me underneath the coat, I felt the gun against my head and then his violent hands pushing and shoving me.

"What the hell are you doing?" I could just make out whilst hyperventilating.

"Shh" He whispered, and then shoved me out into the cold night air.

"FREEZE!" I heard a police officer say .We both stopped moving .I could still make out the lights from under the coat, they made me dizzy.

"Now, I don't think there's time for a trip to the station officer… I'm kind of well… busy." And I felt the gun shove into my head harder.

"Well I think we'll be off now …Oh and if you try to chase us I swear to god I'll blow her brains out." Then he moved, violently grabbed my arm and started running pulling me with him.

It seemed like we were running for ages and blisters were starting to form on my feet, I only had thin pop socks on!

"Can, Can we stop now!" I wheezed

"Oh, sorry, forgot you were under there!" He pulled the coat off my head. My eyes were greeted by a hazy night sky with spots of dawn breaking their way through, I then cast my eyes back to earth and was surprised to see where we were.

"Oh we must have run for miles! My house is down here."I pointed down the long street of houses; they all looked the same; small, brick and unloved.

We finally got to my pathetic excuse of a house.

"Sorry, it's not much." I sounded quite ridiculous, I didn't know what I was doing for goodness sake I was letting a man who had just had a gun to my head into my house!

I walked into my pokey little excuse for a living room and told him to take a seat on my brown cushioned sofa. There wasn't much in this room the wall paper was light brown with dark brown swirls on it, the floor was wooden with a tapestry like rug I had found in a charity shop on top, and my brown sofa, there were a few shelves with books and lamps on but that was all there was .I didn't have a TV or anything. We sat there for a while but it wasn't awkward at all.

"Do you like your boots?" He said eventually

"Yeah, their great! I'm tired after all that running though." I said and yawned .That's when I felt his arm wrap around my shoulder and pull my body closer to his .He was so warm , which was surprising in my chilly house, I was sure my heating had been shut off …again. I rested my head against his chest; I could hear him breathing and his heart beating. I looked up at him and moved closer to his lips our faces just inches apart. He made the first move , It wasn't like any other kiss I'd had before ,It was tough but gentle at the same time , as we kissed I could feel the weird deep parts around the corners of his mouth , despite looking healed his scars still felt deep. Finally we both pulled away from each other. I don't know why I said what I did next, I just did .I felt this weird mixed up kind of love for him which made me forget the guns ,knives and explosives in his coat pocket it made me forget his scars and it answered all of the fearful questions it my head with 'It doesn't matter'.

"Do you want to…"I looked at him a little embarrassed

"Okay…"He smiled

"The bed rooms upstairs next to the bathroom, I'm just going to freshen up." I walked in and shut the door .Oh god…I only met him this evening …Does this make me a slut? Oh well it's not like Camilla and her sheep haven't done this before plus everything else in my life is crap why can't I take this one chance to be happy? I looked in the mirror and then realised how bad my makeup had ran, I looked like a clown! I did my best to wash it off grabbed the condom packet that was surprising to see it didn't had a layer of dust forming over it then went into my bed room…

_So that was chapter 3! I just wanted to tell you a bit about the mother of the baby. I know someone mentioned the Joker was out of character and in this chapter I agree but I like to think he can put on an act for other people (especially to get a girl…).I also want to say that the current plot is set a few years before everything in the dark night happened, at the moment the joker is only fantasising about batman/has probably met him once or twice before as Jack Napier/Is working his way up the criminal career ladder. So hopefully that makes more sense as to why he's out of character (he will get more… sinister as time goes on). Also I apologies for any grammatical errors, let's just say it isn't my strong point. Anyway thanks for reading and hopefully reading later chapters! And review if you wish!_


	4. Addie Naiper

"Honey, I'm HOME!" He sprung the door open and it cracked against the wall nearly coming off its dodgy hinges. He thought he'd be greeted by an angry Mattie demanding where he'd been for the past few weeks, a screaming baby, utter chaos or on the other hand an empty flat and silence; if Mattie had given up and given the baby to the authorities. He had thought about giving her away himself but had second thoughts. He was surprised to find a young girl about 19 sat in the arm chair rocking a little bundle of pink…She looked at him defensively, he didn't like that.

"Oh… who the heck are you?"

"I'm Hanna, Mattie's girlfriend…And judging by the makeup you must be 'the Joker'." She sighed and brushed one of her falling braids back out of her face.

"Yes, I am. I thought I told Mattie this whole babysitting thing was between us only…"

"I can't believe you seriously thought Mattie could look after a baby. He can't even look after himself properly." She scoffed and continued rocking then sighed again "I'd just got her off to sleep before you came bounding in…"He didn't apologies he just looked at them both , she looked used to it.

"Do you have children? It's just you look experienced." To this she scoffed again.

"Oh god no! I'm only 19 …No, I just have a ton of brothers and sisters and when you're the eldest everyone expects you to help out a lot. I'm moved out now though so I don't see any of them that much anymore…"

"How many of you were there?" He thought this was bland conversation but it was better than an awkward silence.

"All together...twelve, six boys and four girls and then my parents. I don't find new borns very interesting… I prefer them when they get a little older."

"Ah."

That was when Mattie walked in with two carrier bags filled with nappies, wipes and baby formula.

"And where have you been for the past three and a half weeks?"

"Oh …I thought it was only two? You know here and there ,I had things to do , shops to rob ,drugs to deal and trust me some of my customers are pretty certain on what they want, I have one guy who wants pacific samples of hallucinogenic gases. You have no idea what an ordeal that is. Any way I think this lot should suffice for all the pain I have caused." He pulls wad after wad of cash out of pockets from all over his coat and places them on the freshly cleared and cleaned coffee table next to the arm chair.

"Oh and this guy on the street was handing out free toffee's…"He places a little wrapped sweet next to the piles of money. Hanna and Mattie freeze and just stare at it both speechless ,having never seen this much money before.

"What's wrong don't you want it?"

"What all of it?" Mattie asked astounded

"Yeah… I don't need it. Just promise that you'll be on call whenever I need you and these payments will keep on coming every time you look after her."

"Okay…By the way it got annoying just calling her, her all the time or the baby, so we gave her a name…"Mattie nervously said

"Go on."

"Addie, we called her Addie."

"I was going to call her Clove but I quite like Addie... Hmm Addie Napier…"

"Napier? Is that your real last name then?" Hanna questioned.

"It's my real fake last name, yes." The Joker laughed.

_This one was really short but I like it, hope you did too. BFPD_


	5. Holes in people?

I stood and stared at my stomach in the mirror, It was too big now; people were going to start noticing. Tears ran down my face as I rubbed my hand across my tummy

"I'm so sorry." I patted "I'm sorry I'm bringing you into this world when I can't look after you properly" I broke down and collapsed onto the floor of my bathroom, my throat making a horrible choking sound. I'd already thrown up twice that morning and it seemed as though it was going to happen again. I tilted my head over the toilet and tried to hold back my hair. I felt a lot better after but it wasn't like it solved anything. I was still pregnant, I was still living in the narrows and I still had barley any money. I tucked my knees into my body and tried to stay calm. Everything will be okay I drum into myself , I'll find him , he'll look after us… I hope.

I found out 11 months ago that I was pregnant; I just thought I'd missed my period but then I started getting morning sickness and I didn't like the idea or have enough money to get rid of it… her. I only have my own self to blame though … I knew I should have taken the pill too! No way did I have enough money to look after us both, I sighed. My only hope was finding him …Jack Naiper, he left in the morning before I got up, no phone number, no address, not anything. I didn't even think his name was real. I asked around about him though, and occasionally people would say that they saw a man with creepy scars but they never knew where he went. I'd done literally everything I could to find him and now I was whittled down to the most dangerous of tasks- wandering the narrows at night , trying to smell his tobacco or feel that creepy stare watching me from the shadows.

* * *

"Mattie?" I heard her wail faintly from her room "Want Mattie!" now she was screaming. I was trying to load guns for god sake! I got up out of my chair again, for the fifth time that evening. I hated how she always screamed for him, I was her Father!

"What do you want now?" I Shouted at her as I opened the door. Her big brown eyes looked at me from the darkness as the yellow light from the hallway filled the room. I could see tears rolling down her cheeks, great now I'd scared her!

"Well what do you want then?" I said in a softer tone.

"I want Mattie, I want to go home." She wailed.

"Well Mattie and Hanna are on holiday, and you live here, not their house." This was the truth but it still didn't stop the tears , well I couldn't really blame her for crying and thinking she lived with them , she was at their house most of the time. I sighed and switched the light on . The room still looked the same as it always had done but now there were toys and clothes scattered all around the floor.

"Look, if you're not going to sleep and you're going to keep wailing you may as well stay up, In fact I never told you to go to bed…"

"Hanna said I had to still keep my normal bedtime." I wanted to cringe at this, but I just nodded. I never said anything to them about bed times.

"Hanna isn't here, and I'm your dad. Come on I have a job for you." She looked excited at this , I always wondered why 3 year olds get so happy when they're trusted with a job.

"Ever held a gun before?" I laughed.

"No…"She kept her distance from me standing almost across the room from me.

"Come here." I said and motioned her over to the boxes of freshly smuggled bullets and guns. She reluctantly wandered over and knelt by the box with me sucking her thumb.

"Well, this is a handgun." I held it out to her, her little fingers could hardly fit around the trigger. I laughed.

"Right now this how you load it." I grabbed the bullets and showed her. A look of confusion shot across her face so I showed her again on another one ,she picked up one and then clumsily but successfully loaded the bullets into the cartridge. She looked at me for approval and I nodded and continued to load more .

"What are these for?" She said whilst struggling to load her second one

"Well some of them are for me and some of them are for selling…"

"What do they do?" I didn't answer her I was trying to load as many as possible.

"Do you press this? "I looked up and noticed her fingers over the trigger and the end of the gun pointing in an angle near her head. I grabbed it from her suddenly and fired it at the paper thin wall , it went straight through making a hole . She flinched at the bang it created and hid her face behind her hands.

"That's what they do, but with people" I stated she removed one hand from her face, trembling.

"They make holes in … people." She was as pale as a ghost

"Yes… Why are you so scared?"

"I don't like loud things… or things that hurt." She whimpered tucking her legs into her body

"Well you better get used to them." I said and finished loading the last few. I shoved them all back in the box but put my three in my coat pocket.

"Why do you want to make holes in people?" She whispered I sighed knowing she wouldn't grasp my concept of chaos.

"I just do, now stop asking stupid questions." I snapped, I saw another salty water droplet run down her already tear stained face. I knew the normal reaction would be to feel guilty but I didn't I felt more angry.

"And for god sake stop BLUBBERING." With that I stalked off into the bathroom to put on some fresh makeup turning all the lights off as I went, she was too small to switch them back on. I chuckled as I heard her whimper, I was only teasing her but she wailed.

"I'm tired, I want my bed! I WANT TO GO HOME!" She screamed. I slapped on the white not bothering to wash off the white dry layer that was already there. Next were my eyes, I smudged the black paint all around in circles ignoring the constant wails from the living room. Then my lovely red smile!

"Hello handsome!" I said into the grotty smudged mirror smoothing my tangled hair back. The wailing had stopped by this stage and I heard a faint knock on the bathroom door.

"Yeah?" I said

"Please dad …I hate the dark." She sniffed.

I unlocked the door and made my way out into the hallway where she was curled up into a ball snivelling.

"I'm not crying, I promise. "She whispered.

"You are." I said and knelt down to her level moving her hands and long gingery brown hair out of her face. I could tell she was trying her hardest not to but the tears flooded her eyes and spilled out , I felt her trembling thinking I was going to shout at her again.

"Come on." I said and picked her up off the ground, at first she struggled but then realised I was going to hurt her and nestled her head into my chest. I wandered into the bedroom and plonked her on the double bed. She pulled a face at it but was so tired she curled up, She was still in her daytime skirt , tights ,jumper and boots and I hadn't washed the sheets in two years but it wasn't like I slept much . I was lucky if I got a couple of hours every 4 days and even then I slept in my chair. I was about to switch off the light and turn the hallway one on for her (She didn't like the dark) but she dozily grabbed my hands and said

"Stay, I want a cuddle." I sighed as she latched her little arms around my waist. Well at least she hadn't inherited my weird schizophrenic gene of not being able to feel love.


	6. I need a distraction

She woke up the next morning; well she thought it was morning, feeling confused and tired , her eyes stinging .She was still in the clothes she had arrived in ,she still even had her boots on .As her body and senses awoke she became more and more aware of the fusty smell of the bed she was lying on. She looked at the room around her ,she could see better now there was daylight flooding in from the window she noticed the stains on the sheets she had just been sleeping in, some of them were red…she noticed the brown colour of the walls and the weird horrible black waxy substance growing on the ceiling. She then cast her eyes onto the brown carpet where her toys and clothes laid .They were spread all over the place as she had thrown them in one of her tantrums last night. She immediately clambered off the bed a pang of guilt rising inside her; the springs making an awful squeaking noise.

"Sorry…I didn't mean to get angry." She thought back to the way she felt last night when the man she was supposed to call Dad had shouted at her…maybe next time he'd throw her across the room like she did with her toys. She started to pick them up and put them back into the bags that Hanna had packed them in. She stopped at a pink and purple patchwork rabbit, its floppy limbs and ears lying in very weird painful looking positions. She gently bent down and picked it up remembering Mattie playing around with it and making it talk, only she didn't know that Mattie made it talk…she thought it was real. It made her sad now, the way it flopped in her hands lifeless and emotionless. She nearly started crying again when a rumble began in her stomach and stopped her.

"Do you think I should ask him for breakfast?" She asked the rabbit her hazel chocolate eyes hoping it would reply and tell her what to do…She stood there for a good few minutes before sighing then moving the rabbits head reluctantly to nod.

"Okay, but if he shouts again it's your fault." She took the rabbit by its floppy arm and walked into the room where she thought she'd find her dad. He was sat in his arm chair looking at two canisters laughing. She was about to walk up to him when she noticed that there was another man in the room , he'd been hiding in the corner. He smiled oddly at Addie, she didn't like him, and he reminded her of a snake but with glasses …

"Oh Addie, This is my good friend Dr Crane!" The joker said catching sight of her lingering in the living room. He could sense her nervousness.

"How do you do?" He just managed to hiss out, though it was more of a sigh and he extended his long suited arm towards her. She hesitated and gripped her rabbit tighter.

"Don't be scared of Crane …He's a doctor…You can trust him, I should know I used to be one of his patients!" The Joker scoffed and a smirk crept its way across Cranes face.

"Oh and about that, It's not Dr Crane any more, its scarecrow." The joker nodded in approval then handed him the two canisters.

"It seems to work pretty well from what I saw, have fun." Crane took the canisters then nods to Addie and leaves the apartment, a guard meeting him at the door. Addie stared at the door for a while to make sure he was definitely gone then turned to her father.

"Em…" She hesitated and twiddled her rabbits ears between her fingers

"Yeah." Her Father looked at her his eyes piercing and bloodshot, made to look even more scary by the black smudges around them.

"I hope it isn't any trouble… but …but bunny's hungry and it is breakfast." She looked down at the ground.

"Oh…" He said and then got up from his chair and walked over to the cupboard and mini fridge. He didn't even bother to look in the fridge as all it stored was alcohol … the cupboard mainly stored drugs (for personal use when plotting or feeling guilty ) But he dug his hand right to the back past all of the plastic packets of white powders and green herbs and brought out a battered box of crackers he kept for the emergency munchies.

"Will these do" He said and threw them to her, she didn't catch them of course but she picked them up and nodded noticing the strange strong smell attached to them.

"If you get hungry later there's a shop down the road, you can probably nab anything you want and you'll get away with it…your only little." Addie didn't know what he meant by this she just tucked into her stale crackers and nodded along hugging her bunny. Whilst she was still munching (her mouth quickly going dry) he picked up his coat off the side and left. She couldn't even ask where he was going he was that quick.

It was going dark when he got back, covered in bruises and blood.

"What happened Dad?" Addie said shocked as he stumbled into the room. She was curled up in the faded green arm chair her rabbit tucked under her chin and her face yet again tear stained. Somehow she'd managed to turn the light on. He walked across to her

"You're learning…" He said and looked at the glowing light bulb. She just nodded.

"You really want to know what happened then." He asked spitting blood out angrily onto the carpet from his reopened scars.

"Yeah, are you okay?"

"I'm better than ever. This gang, they thought I was funny, they thought I was a Joke! They thought that it would be absolutely hilarious to give Daddy a beating because of his MAKEUP! (He shouted this in a horrible growly tone, making Addie jump)Well I gave them something to really laugh at…Yes; yes they'll be laughing and smiling for a good while."

"What did you do…"Addie whispered wanting to get out of the chair but not being able to as his body trapped her escape route.

"Ohh , you don't understand , do you honey? Huh? You want me to show you?" She tried to answer but he butted in

"Of course you do!" And knelt at the chair pulling out one of his knifes. Addie didn't fully know what pointed shiny objects did but Hanna had told her to never touch the ones they had in the kitchen and she always had to be careful with the scissor. She pushed herself as far back into the chair as she could and pulled bunny into her chest pulling her knees up to protect him.

"And if I think about it, you've been very down in the dumps recently as well haven't you. It'd be nice to see you smiling for a change!" And he grinned at her with his yellow teeth and moved closer making her efforts to shrink away from him unsuccessful. She had tucked her head away too but he grabbed hold of her chin and pulled her face up. He pressed his knife up against her trembling tiny lips; he was feeding off her fear which meant the monster was definitely in control, the ghosts also had their influence on him, telling him what to do. Sometimes he tried to disobey the ghosts but it never seemed to work out … not with the monster too, jumping at every little chance of destruction and violence. He pressed on as hard as he could and then he felt the skin on her lip break, a little droplet of crimson blood trickled its way down from the Sharpe point of his knife to the base, the handle and eventually his hand. He watched it sink into the tiny worn grooves in his finger and felt its warmth it was only then that he realised what he was actually doing and that this wasn't another violence indulging dream. He threw his knife across the room and clasped his arms tightly around the screaming traumatised Addie.

"It's okay, It's okay. He's gone, He's gone I promise. I'm so sorry." He then picked her up , she screamed and kicked him with her knees dropping her bunny on the floor. He was strong though and managed to get her into the bathroom. He started to run the cold tap, it squeaked from years of use . He grabbed some tissue and wet it with the water then dabbed at the blood spouting from her cut.

"Shush, shush. It's okay." He soothed her screams now turning into choking sobs and the occasional coughing fit .After he'd mopped up the blood he was relieved to see that he'd only made a very small cut, it was quite deep but it would heal over in time.

"Come on" He said and started to unlace her boots and take them off then led her into the bedroom and helped her change into her pyjamas and tucked her into bed. He remembered the rabbit she dropped and went to find it. He came back and made it hop across the bed to her. She gave a faint smile to this, clutched it tightly then fell into a deep sleep after all the drama. Before leaving the room the Joker lent down and whispered in her ear

"I'm sorry." He then left the room and began to pace the living room repeating over and over

"I need a distraction, I need a distraction, You're not going to hurt her , you're not going to hurt her!"

_Sorry this chapter took a while! It's the last week before half term at school so I will be writing more in the week off, Yay! I hope you like it so far._


	7. Cold to the bone

I wandered around the dark claustrophobic streets again like I had done every night for the past month or so. I hated living here, never knowing who was lurking around a corner with a knife. I shuddered as the rain beat down harder on my cheap anorak that wasn't doing the best job of keeping me dry. My hair was sodden and I could feel cold trickles run down my body from where water had seeped through the cheap plastic material. The only thing that was any good at keeping me dry were my docs, I'd had them for months now and they still looked brand new, I smiled faintly remembering that adrenalin rush of an evening but my happy memories were spoiled by a stabbing pain in my stomach. I wanted to yelp and scream in pain but I remembered where I was. I attempted to try and get back to my street but the task soon became impossible as the pain grew and grew, I spotted a empty space at the bottom of and alley and staggered towards it falling on the wire fence at the end when I finally reached it.

"Please , stop it, please…You're not due yet, you can't not here!" I whispered to the bump on my body and patted it gently whilst trying to sit down. The little human inhabiting my stomach clearly wasn't listening as a sudden gush of warm water released its self from my bump making my jeans wet through. I took them off and placed the anorak over my legs shivering my hands clutching the wire fence behind me as the dreaded contractions set in. I bared it for as long as I could but all I wanted to do was yell in pain, I screamed and tears ran down my face in momentary relief. A few moments after I heard footsteps approaching me , oh god .

"Jacky, Jacky . What a predicament you've gotten yourself into!" I heard a familiar voice laugh from the darkness .

"Is that you?" I questioned and I heard his footsteps grow closer and closer until I could see his face, I gasped in horror at what he had done to it. It was covered in clown make up that had ran a little in the rain, his scars turned into a red Cheshire cat grin.

"Aw what's wrong honey don't you like my new look? You should do, you gave me the inspiration." And he flicked his dripping tangled green hair out of his eyes. I laughed at him a little , well as much as I could in the pain I was in.

"No, it was just a shock that's all." I said another contraction sending pain throughout my body , I screamed again. He crouched down next to me and took my clenched hand from the fence squeezing it gently in his and giving it a gentle kiss.

"I thought you weren't coming back, I looked everywhere for you" I sobbed.

"I know, I know. But I did, didn't I . I thought it was rather sweet all the searching you did."

"You knew?" I gasped

"Yeah of course I did. I couldn't have you wandering around the narrows with no protection now, could I? And I think I did a rather good job, seeing as you weren't stabbed or anything." I smiled at this , he had been protecting me , though I was quite angry as to why he hadn't just told me I'd found him.

"Why didn't you say anything?" I asked weakly the energy being drained from me

"Well, it was an excuse to kill gang members. And it was kind of cute in a way. No one's really ever cared that much before, well apart from the police that is and angry mob..." He noticed me shivering

"You cold?" He asked and started to take of his soaked purple coat and wrap it around my shoulders, he put his arm round me and I nuzzled my head against his waistcoat and shirt covered chest begging for the pain to stop. It didn't of course, it only grew, It got so bad that he had to hold his hand over my mouth to stop me from screaming; which he was unsurprisingly good at.

I can't really remember what happened next , I think I must have blacked out from the pain. When I woke up I was covered in blood my body aching all over and shivering , the cold seemed to have rooted its way deep into my bones. I could barely open my eyes but I saw a little body laid against my chest, wrapped in a green waistcoat .

"My little girl…" I whispered faintly I felt my eyes closing uncontrollably.

"Jackie!" He shook me, I couldn't see him but I could feel his tight grasp of my arm .

"Come on Jackie, wake up…" He sounded worried, I was worried too, I couldn't wake up. He said other thing too but I couldn't hear him his words faded past me.

"Look after her" I weakly sighed and I couldn't feel his grasp anymore.

"Jacky?" I looked at her; I'd seen loads dead bodies before and she looked like them, life less and limp but I couldn't quite believe it. I tightened my grasp on her arm and shook her a little… It didn't work. I felt a tiny pang inside me, extremely small but it was still there, a pang of grief, I felt the monster wince in pain , it didn't recoil or sadden it just got angrier . I didn't want to let it out, not now. The grief grew a little making me remember all the people I'd killed and my feelings turn to a horrible mixture of guilt, grief and anger.

"YOUR NOT COMING OUT" I shouted at the top of my voice and I clenched my head in my hands shaking, I fell onto her freezing cold body and stroked her cheek softly. I needed to cry but I couldn't the monster never let me cry. Then the ghost started appearing… shit, no. They were horrible twisted mutations of memories or sometimes they were people I'd killed but they were all terrifying. I shut my eyes tightly and buried my head into her un breathing chest , I readied myself for the horrific things they'd say to me but all I heard was cries…The baby!I opened my eyes and hovered my hand over her wondering what to do , do I leave her, take her to a home… The monster screamed at me to kill her and it was gaining control of me fast but a voice screeched wretchedly back at it in my head

"Look after her!" It pleaded. I unwrapped my coat gently from Jackie's shoulders and planted a kiss on her forehead put my coat back and picked up my child. She was cold and had a runny and was still covered in blood. I tucked her inside my coat and set off to a safe enough place where we could stay for a while.

_Thank you for all the reviews, follows and favourites so far! They are greatly appreciated .This chapter took a while too , so sorry .I thought I'd have more time this week but I've been doing homework and recovering from camping in a leaking two man tent with 4 people and generally just chilling before dreaded school starts up again meh ._


	8. Fumes

After hours of pacing up and down the room I hadn't reached any conclusion about how to keep Addie safe. I wanted her to be able to live with me but I didn't want to hurt her …I collapsed back into my chair sighing. I felt tired but I couldn't sleep, I just sat there my head tossed back my eyes staring hopelessly at the yellow ceiling. What the hell am I going to do? I didn't even have the security of having Hanna and Mattie around for much longer, they'd found a nice housing development in a nice neighbourhood and they were planning on getting married and moving there in a couple of years. They'd offered to take Addie with them of course but it was so far away and well…Jackie wanted me to look after her, that and I got the feeling that Hanna didn't really want kids having grown up basically raising her brothers and sisters .

"Jackie" I sighed and my racing thought finally gave into my battered body's exhaustion, my eyelids closed and I was out. I was having a nice time enjoying the thoughtless senseless dark that the deep sleep brought when out of nowhere I started to hear desperate shrieks and screams .I tried to open my eyes and on the third try they reluctantly opened. I was disorientated but I could see that the room was filled with thick smog of gas. It burnt my eyes and nostrils as I waded through it towards the screaming sound. I knew what it was, it was cranes strong 'bad trip' hallucinogenic gas, I was the one that helped him develop it on account of him giving me a clear on my mental health assessment and letting me out of that dreaded hospital and all.I didn't think it would reach the top of our abandoned tower block but it had. I opened the door to Addie's room where a figure sat trembling on the bed underneath the covers.

"Addie" I whispered as the room suddenly started flooding with disjointed images of the people I'd killed ,I wanted to run or hide under the covers too but I couldn't. The ghost disappeared leaving one young boy of about 11 in the corner of the room sat with his hand wrapped around his knees his head hanging, he looked painfully thin ,his jeans were dirty and torn and he was weeping …I wasn't sure why I was seeing this image until another figure appeared in the room ,I recognised it immediately as someone bad and I wanted to hide but I couldn't I was rooted to the spot…I couldn't even close my eyes.

"Johnny lad , your behind on payments …" He snarled as it staggered close to the boy he hunched away briefly looking up at me…I saw his face ,he had brown eyes with blonde eyebrows that matched the colour of his messy hair and I knew who he was …he was me .I staggered back almost falling over as the larger figure started to hit the boy.

"N..no" I stuttered with tears in my eyes , I never remember much about my childhood ,It was so difficult to make sense of all the disjointed memories I had of it. I looked back at the boy whose body started to shift and move into someone entirely different, a little girl with brown eyes and brown gingery hair…Addie? The figure had changed as well, into a copy of me. I squinted my eyes in confusions then remembered what had happened just hours before.

"I'm sorry .I didn't mean to. I couldn't control myself" I sobbed …I felt my eyes and cheeks with my hand there were actually water droplets there…I was crying? I felt two little arms wrap around my waist and suddenly the visions stopped , I looked down to see a tired bewildered Addie burying her head into my trouser leg.

"You seeing monsters too?" I asked and protectively moved my arm over her head and shoulders, she nodded in response and clung to me. I picked her up trying to think what to do before I had another hallucination …I moved to the bathroom, sat Addie on the edge of the grime and gunk infested bath and went to grab the only towel I owned to waft out the fumes .I then shut the door and rested the towel at the bottom of it to stop and fumes from entering underneath.

"Turn on the taps." I told Addie, this would stop any gas coming out from them or the plug hole and would maybe vaporise the gas. I went to do the same with the sink and we both sat there until morning eventually came.

Addie had fallen in and out of lucid and vivid dreams all night, I hadn't been able to sleep at all because the monster was busy shouting and screaming at me for being weak and crying . I tried to ignore its screams that sounded worse than nails being scraped against a chalk board and attempted to comfort Addie. We were both sat on the grimy floor our backs resting against the bath tub, I'd spread my purple coat out for Addie to sit on and wrapped her in my green waistcoat like I had done when she was a baby. It was hard to think that three years had gone by already, I sighed and wondered what to do for entertainment or distraction. I took a knife out of my pocket and started to stab it in the gaps between my fingers glancing over at Addie every few seconds to check she was alright …the gas was really strong you see and I know the true horror and vividness of hallucinations ...

_I haven't written in absolutely ages! I'm so, so sorry I've had a lot on and I was stumped for ideas for a while but I'm okay now, the creative juices are flowing once again! Thank you all for your kind reviews they are hugely appreciated and what a strange dream scrambled dry…are you sure you've not been exposed to any of cranes gases? _


	9. Good Mornin' Mister J!

Harley rolled over again , elbowing me in the side and lodging her knee into my back, waking me up for the sixth time that evening. I tried to nod off again but her breathing seemed to get louder and louder, I'm pretty sure she does this on purpose just to irritate me or to get the matrass all to herself. After five minutes I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed Bunny and Blue from under my pillow and sat up, our old mattress's rusty springs groaning in pain. I stared down at my two beloved teddies in my hands, they were all I really had…I've had bunny ever since I can remember and Mattie bought me Blue as a present when I had to move in permanently with dad … I hate living with him though, I wish I could go back to how it was, living with Mattie and Hanna even though I don't remember it much.

Most of the time I had to keep my teddies hidden, the last time Harley found them Bunny lost an ear …I cried for hours but no one seemed to care much, Dad just gave me a safety pin and then rapidly buggered off to do whatever it is that he does, of course Harley wasn't happy with all of my 'attention seeking drama wasting all of my hard working father's attention and time' so I spent the rest of that night locked in her suitcase as punishment.

I sat there for a while contemplating whether to stay in our 'bed room' which was basically just the backroom of the old warehouse we were living in ,with our mattress strewn across the floor and a grimy old sink in the corner. Harley made me help her clean it all up with her when we first moved in…well I did most of it ,she sat on the mattress in provocative poses in case Dad walked in ,applying new layers of cherry lipstick every hour. She also bought some red and black paint and covered the walls of the room in it ,she got bored of it halfway through though so we only have one black and one red wall …She also made dad buy her this really posh black lacy bedding with red ribbons tied into it ,that's another thing that annoys me about Harley, dad gives her anything she wants and practically throws cash at her whereas whenever I want anything I have to get it myself (Usually by stealing ) or I have to work for it which means doing anything from cleaning objects too unsanitary for even dads standards or completing an array of dodgy tasks. In fact the only birthday/Christmas presents Dad has ever actually given me consist of; a Brothers Grim Book Of Fairy Tales, which is probably the most normal present; A switchblade that I received for my fifth birthday (without Mattie and Hanna knowing of course) and the latest to date a gun, which dad has now realised I will never use and has taken a personal liking to… Every other birthday I simply get a single playing card and a chocolate bar, apparently when I'm 26 I'll have a full deck.

I turned round placing my feet on the floor shuddering at the frostiness of the bare boards. I silently crept over to my suitcase and got dressed into a clean t shirt and my old boots, I already had my jeans on as I'd left my pyjama bottoms in the last place we stayed . Finally I put on a green shirt over the top it was an old one dad had given me, tatty and blood stained but at least it was warm. I gave one last glance to Harley to check she was still asleep then I crept out of the room.

Morning shadows cast their way around the crumbling walls, light creeping in from the slanted grime covered windows on the roof. I cast my eyes over to dad he was sat at the very end by the door smoking god knows what and flicking through the Gotham paper. He hadn't even noticed me. I moved over to the mini fridge that was plugged in on the floor it was empty again.

"Why are you up?" He asked in a sinister tone without looking up from his paper. Oh god he's in a bad mood.

"I couldn't sleep …and Harley was snoring." He sighed and flicked the page he'd just read back over I just managed to see the front cover plastered with Harvey Dent's face and two small images of bold headed men. It looked as if he'd been sat there all night as he was surrounded by cigarette butts that had been angrily squished into the ground. He wasn't paying much attention to his joint as a long line of ash had built up and needed to be tapped. It fell onto the newspaper burning holes through it.

"FOR GOD SAKE ADDIE!" I ran back into the bed room expecting an angry rage as I heard him throw the newspaper in my direction and then him storming after. I protectively placed Blue and Bunny back underneath my pillow and then lent against the door though I knew that it wouldn't stop him, there was already a hole in it. Harley had awoken to the shouting and was dozily giving me evils.

"What the heck did ya do now?" She yawned and then got up to help me shut him out, even she hated his violent rages. To my surprise he didn't try to break the door down and by the sound of it he wasn't angry either …He was laughing?

"He's not angry you silly thing." Harley chirped happy and relieved. She opened the door and skipped delightfully across to him her short red silky nightie clinging to her .

"Good mornin' Mister J! What are you so happy about?" She sang as she threw her arms around him.

He simply pointed to the floor and continued to laugh! The cigarette ash had burnt a big hole through Harvey Dents head.

"BAM!" He shouted suddenly his fingers shaped like a gun. Harley started to giggle too. I just stood in the doorway wondering what was going through dads head.


	10. I robbed a bank

I awoke to dad violently shaking my shoulder.

"What…" I mumbled ,I was annoyed as I'd only just manage to fall asleep thanks to Harleys snoring. He quickly covered my mouth with his hand , his purple leather glove almost suffocating me. He lent over and put a finger to his lips to tell me to be quiet , he then pointed to the sky and mouthed the words "fucking police!" to me with utter distaste. It was only then that I could hear the faint sounds of a helicopter overhead. He was already riffling through my suitcase chucking boots at me, I quickly pulled them on my feet even though he hadn't passed me any socks . I also grabbed bunny and blue from under my pillow and passed them to him, he rolled his eyes at my scruffy patchwork rabbit and battered blue bear but shoved them in the case anyway. He then grasped my wrist and led me to the small window above the sink.

"What about Harley?" I whispered, Dad shook his head in reply then shoved the window open. I was shocked at this ,Harley had always come with us ever since I can remember. Her, Dad and Crane had been in the same hospital together, both her and crane had originally been doctors but Dad corrupted them. Because dad got them on his side they cleared his name and his mental health record – he'd been admitted in there for repeated threats and acts of violence. In one way I was glad Harley wasn't coming with us ,she was annoying and a liability but I suppose you could say she was like a big sister to me, plus she distracted Dad when he was in one of his bad moods and took the brunt of his violence.

He chucked the suitcase through the tiny gap then stepped back with his arms spread, seriously ?I was meant to climb on to the sink and through the window. It looked impossible but then again I was incredibly skinny and somehow I managed to slip through. I plodded down , my hands landing on to the frozen ground , I pulled them away quickly ,shuddering as I was only wearing a thin tank top . the sound of the helicopter had grew louder and I could see two lights in the frosty pitch black sky. I didn't know how on earth dad was going to fit through the window, then I heard the glass being smashed, he thudded on the ground ,grabbed my arm almost yanking it out of the socket and ran. I looked back and now I saw search lights emerge from the two helicopters, dad laughed manically. It was hard to keep up with him , he ran so fast , but I couldn't slow down , he had a firm grip on my wrist .When I started to slow down I'd almost fall over. We ran and ran , my jeans beginning to be soaked from the long frozen grass strands , painful blisters forming on my feet. The search lights were still looking for us but they were a long way off however dad wouldn't stop. My heart beat so fast I thought it would burst out of my chest and my lungs were so sore they felt like they would give in.

"Please" I panted "Can we just rest for a second." I received no answer as we continued to run , I took this as a no. All of a sudden we reached a weird hedgy plant that grew up to my knees and I could hear a trickle of water . I stopped .

"Come on!" Dad shouted , he had let go of my wrist and was already wading his way through the spikey hedge towards the water. I just stood there trying to get my breath back.

"ADDIE, MOVE" He growled viciously. I reluctantly moved my way into the awful hedge, there were already holes in my jeans and the branches and thorns scraped mercilessly at my bare flesh. They clung on to my jeans making every movement difficult , tearing more holes into the only pair of trousers I owned.

"Hurry up , for god sake." Dad sighed impatiently , he crushed his way through the branches back towards me and once again grabbed my wrist , this time he was more violent , digging his nails in . He yanked me through the bushes closer and closer to the water , I could see it now it looked deep and almost frozen over . I fell over a couple of times my arms and face getting scratched and scraped my hand getting thorns dug into it . Eventually we made it to the water .

"I'm not going in there ." I announced

"I'll just leave you here to freeze to death then." Dad snapped

"I won't do , I'll get the people in the helicopter to help me." I replied angrily without thinking. He didn't answer he dragged me over to the water's edge and grabbed me by my hair

"No!" I shrieked as he pushed me into the freezing water. I was down . I felt slimy creatures and plants drift past me and the muddy particles in the dirty water. I came up shivering and gasping , I couldn't swim very well and my heavy jeans weren't helping , I was terrified.

"Cold?" Dad laughed . I doggy paddled around in a panic gulping out the muddy water that got into my mouth. I saw dad lob my suitcase across to the other side of the water and put a packet of something into his mouth as he slowly got into the water, probably his baccy and skins I thought as I desperately tried to stay afloat let alone get to the other side. Dad swam past me and I tried to copy his actions , It didn't work and once again I was under. I tried to float up again but I kept on sinking. I flapped my arms around in panic , I didn't want to drown , for god sake don't let me drown dad . My lungs were in panic and tried to breathe in the water , I tasted the awful muddy mixture as it filled my mouth and nostrils , I could hear my heart beating desperately as a hand grabbed me by my waist and pulled me up once again . I coughed up the water and breathed heavily as I was partly shoved onto the muddy bank. I crawled further out of the water shaking from the cold my hands squelching in the mud.

"Your ten and you still don't know how to swim." I heard dads voice tut disapprovingly .

"Come on , we still have a long way to go."

"I can't" I sighed tears flooding my eyes , I was so cold and tired and my lungs were screaming at me in pain to rest. Dad walked over to me and took off his coat , he wrapped it around my shoulders , It was far too big as it trailed to the floor and it was awfully wet but it was better than nothing. He carried my case as he started to walk into the distance and I plodded behind him.

We walked for miles until Dad stopped at a tower block, great stairs . I felt like collapsing by the time we reached the flat.

"Piss , nice touch" Dad remarked at the yellow pool by one of the skirting boards of the front door. He produced a key from his waistcoat pocket and opened the battered door. I shuddered as we walked in , it was a one room . There was an old cooker and cupboard , one tiny pin prick of a window and a en suit that was basically just a toilet sink and broken mirror in a cupboard. The carpet was and awful faded coral colour and the walls were bear with mould growing all over .

"It's even worse than the ware house" I sobbed . Dad didn't say anything he sat in one of the corners and rolled a cigarette. The flat wasn't even the worst thing, the worse thing was having nowhere to hide , nowhere to retreat , nowhere to cry. I switched on the dim yellow light bulb that hung from the ceiling it buzzed annoyingly, the bathroom didn't' even have a light. I examined myself in the light , I had scratches everywhere , my skin was a filthy muddy grey colour ,my clothes were all dirty and torn and my hair was tangled and grubby . I grabbed a change of top from my suitcase and went into the bathroom to try and wash in the tiny sink, the water, yet again cold, turning brown and dirty. My jeans were still sodden but I had nothing to change into. I took my boots off and tried to ignore the painful blisters on my feet as I lay on the floor across the room from dad and cried myself to sleep.

Hours later I awoke to the smell of something delicious…Bacon. I sat up absolutely starving . Dad was stood by the oven , he had a tray of bacon and a tray of bread.

"You never eat breakfast." I said shocked

"Yeah well I'm hungry." He said taking a bite out of a bacon sandwich and plonking himself back in the floor . When I saw his face I nearly had the shock of my life , his makeup was gone!He looked at me as though nothing had changed then said.

"I had to take it off to get the food; otherwise the police would have found us in ten minutes. They know me now." He said whilst munching.

"Dad?" I said while getting my own bacon sandwich .

"Yeah?"

"What did you do?" He laughed his quiet manic laughter then announced

"I robbed a bank Ad's."

I made this quite a long chapter as I'm going away for two weeks and I'm not sure if there's going to be internet connection. I hope you enjoyed it anyway :) and sorry if this isn't updated! Oh and leave a review if you want , they are greatly appreciated.


	11. Alone

I'd fallen back asleep on the floor for a few hours after my sandwich .My tiredness blocked out the loud noises of the other flats surrounding us. The one's above us and to our left played loud rap and rock music , trying to outdo each other creating a weird mixture of black Sabbath and Eminem . The couple in the flat to our right had started a roaring argument that had set a baby crying and screeching in the flat opposite. The flat below us was quiet thank goodness. I pressed one of my ears as far against the floor as I could and flopped Blue over my other , clutching bunny close to my chest for comfort . I was aware of dad fumbling about in the bathroom , probably putting his makeup back on. He almost always wore it but on the rare occasion when he didn't I have to say I prefer him without it. I had his eyes ,his face shape and occasionally his moods but I still had another half of genetics I was curious about. My gingery brown hair certainly wasn't from him though I doubt if I asked about my mother he wouldn't give me any information . He probably killed her. I curled up tighter at this thought feeling sick.

A loud knock on the door startled me . I wondered whether or not to open it , it could be the police. The nocks continued getting louder and more frustrated. "Open the goddamn door , Addie!" Dad shouted from the toilet. I quickly moved toward the door and released the latch. I was greeted by a tall skinny man with dreadlocked hair scraped off his face , his eyes were big and piercing and he was holding a large zip up bag. He shot me a confused look as he stood loitering in the disgusting hallway.

"Your early" dad said from right behind me, giving me a fright. It amazed me how he could be so quiet when he was usually shouting, laughing or shooting ,where ever he went he was met with screams . He gave dad a huge grin as he pushed his way past me into the flat. He very cautiously and gently laid the bag he was carrying down on the floor and unzipped it.

"Presents!" Dad whispered with a vicious excitement. I glanced at what was in the bag , expecting guns or knives , instead I found purple grenades with matching purple string attached to them .This wasn't dads usual style…

"Who's she then?" The man asked dad cheekily with a slight air of nervousness .

"She's a hostage , aren't you sweetie?" He said sweetie awkwardly stopping mid word as he wired his jacket with the grenades. I shuddered with fear when he said this ,his men were scary enough as it was. I backed away further to the wall as the man eyed me up and down.

"Do you want me to look after her while your gone?" I shifted from one foot to the other , the stuff I said last night about the helicopter might have made him loose trust in me. Dad stopped for a while to think.

"No, no …No… I have arrangements" He then ushered the man out of the flat and turned to me.

"How long , will you be?" I said quietly wondering how I would survive in this awful place on my own.

"two weeks or so." He said with out a care. I gulped as I tried to hide the fear and anxiety in my eyes.

"I'll be alone though…" I hated dad but I didn't fancy having absolutely no one to talk to for a whole week.

"Stop being silly Ads, there are a ton of shops to lift from around here…" He paused to think and for a second I saw the tiniest shimmer of mercy in his expression "Here …" He said riffling through his pockets , he produce a gunky note and placed it in my hand. That was the last thing he said to me before producing a newspaper from his pocket and spreading it out wide so it covered his face . I could make out a picture of a bank printed in black and white, A massive hole in its crumbling walls and a cheeky mug shot of Harley next to it. She was smiling widely, her face cleansed of makeup, hair hanging in tangles a battered orange boiler suit clinging to her frame. Dad then left without even glancing at me . The noises that I had before found annoying seemed to be drowned in an eerie silence. Tears ran down my face as the thoughts of how alone and vulnerable I was .Four dollars can't even buy you one proper meal let alone get you through a whole two weeks.

It was clear that he didn't care about me. I was just a burden, a kid that he had to drag around from place to place and occasionally make a sandwich for. Why the hell didn't he just kill me like he had done with my mother…? I sucked on my bottom lip feeling the scar that had long since faded but was still embedded there. I knew really he'd never cared much about me but recently he'd been a lot worse… Leaving me alone , our living conditions getting worse and worse, having barley any food and he'd been much more bad tempered too .My thoughts began to twist around in my head disjointedly flicking form one thing to another… Survival, Dad, Harley, my mum… What was going to happen to me, what if dad never came back? He'd left Harley, why wouldn't he leave me too? I ran to the claustrophobic toilet and immediately threw up tears ran down my face in shock ,the world surrounding me being muffled out.

Relieved. I sighed and yanked the chain. I cupped my hands and drank the stale water that flowed from the rusty tap and splashed it on my face. It seeped down into my dirty skin cooling my pours. I made my way back into the main room Blue and Bunny were waiting for me on the floor .My childish friends of comfort.

"We're all going to be okay… He'll … He'll come back"

Week 1 day 6- I closed my eyes in the dark room begging my mind and body to go to sleep. The room was quiet and I could hear my own stomach growling in hunger. The four dollars had bought two cans of tinned meatballs that had just lasted me 4 days. I had had to hack them open and eat them with my switchblade as cutlery and can openers weren't the sort of things dad bought .I'd spotted some apples and cans of soup on a shelf that looked easy to lift from but I had nothing to put them in apart from my jean pockets and I was unsure of whether to take that risk. The security guards had watched me with hawk's eyes as I was leaving the store , my skinny frame and tatty jeans gave me no favours…I didn't want to risk it but I was getting desperate.

I dozed off around 3am only to be awoken by crying baby hours later. I'd always been trained to be sensitive to noise in the night, in case we had to leave in a hurry but now that skill was not coming in handy. I groaned and after ten minutes of not being able to fall asleep I got up and washed my face. I took out my last clean top from my suit case and put it on. I gathered the other 3 garments and washed each one in the freezing water , ringing out as much dirt as possible. I then turned on the dismal cooker and hooked the dripping tops over the door to dry a little while I flicked through my small set of playing cards . I smiled as I remembered the rainy days stuck with Harley in the ware house when she'd suddenly announce "TWEN'Y ONE PICK UP!" and ran around chucking cards everywhere. After everything was dry I turned the cooker off and ventured out of the depressing flat. I made sure my switch blade was in my jean pocket in case anyone tried anything… My boots squeaked against the floor as I walked along the dirty hallways, I tiptoed around a drunken man passed out on the stairwell and made my way out into the fresh morning air, it was cold but the sun beat down a nice warm glow. The nearest wall mart wasn't very far away only half an hour's walk.

The bleep of the tills and the bright lights were a nice flash of civilisation. Despite my happiness of being in a less lonely place then the one room flat nervousness filled me. I hated shop lifting. I'd been brought up as if it was a treat , you could have anything you wanted and get a shot of adrenalin at the same time! But I hated the feeling … The worst thing was if I got caught, no one would know…The police would ask …questions… About my name and my age, where I was living, who were my parents? I wouldn't be able to tell them any of the answers and then what would they do with me? I shuddered and moved toward the section with the apples.


End file.
